I'm not naive enough this time to believe that I could possibly have everything figured out BUT it's been a very productive couple of weeks. I feel very well and happy today.
As I mentioned, the laparoscopy went well. Yesterday I got the operation report for the surgery. In addition to the endometriosis that was affecting the bowel, my doctor removed an adhesion (scar tissue) that was attached to my abdominal wall.
Scar tissue develops after a surgery and becomes painful if stretched. This makes so much sense. I had a laparoscopy to help me get pregnant in 2007 and then had two subsequent pregnancies. So my pregnancies were stretching scar tissue from the laparoscopy that I had to have in order to get pregnant. It's kind of a vicious cycle and will just be how it goes during my child-bearing years.
The good news is that I know what caused the initial abdominal wall pain and the doctor removed the scar tissue that had developed. The bad news is that I will probably develop more scar tissue from this last laparoscopy, especially if we decide to have another baby. I don't even mind that though. It's just nice to know what is going on in there. I'm happy to go through something like that for my children, they are worth it!
Now, moving onto the rest. I'm trying to piece everything together and I hope it makes sense. I had severe abdominal wall pain at the end of my pregnancy and afterwards. I also had a very difficult recovery from pregnancy and, I think, post-partum depression. I was getting woken up every three hours and didn't sleep well for a very long time and, by force, developed bad sleeping habits.
With all of the above happening and and the stress and anxiety of not knowing what was wrong with me, I think I got really, deeply sick. Every negative test made me feel worse. When doctors start telling you there's nothing else they can do and that you look fine on paper but you still feel as bad or worse as the day you walked into their office, you start to feel hopeless. Desperate. Alone. Scared. Tired. Crazy.
So here I am today. I have actual bald spots on my head. I'm 95lbs and food doesn't taste good anymore. I have also felt like I've had the flu for over six weeks. The full-body aching is worse than any stomach pain or cramping I was having. I have seriously been trying to find a replacement wife and mother for my family so I can die knowing everyone is taken care. I haven't been suicidal or anything, just desperate to leave my body. It has been a complete and horrible nightmare.
Yesterday I saw my Physiatrist, the doctor my mom works for. He reviewed every lab, scan and test I have had. He told me that for some reason my nerves, especially the abdominal nerves, are sending pain signals to my brain that they wouldn't usually send in a normal, healthy body. He said there isn't an exact known cause for something like this but studies have shown that people with this problem have different brain MRIs than people without it. So the pain is real, it's just not yet understood by the medical community.
My theory is that after everything I have been through the past couple years, my body and brain went into full crisis mode and just wanted to shut down. I started three new medications yesterday. One is to increase my appetite and help me sleep. Another is a non-narcotic pain medication that is non-addictive and non-sedative. The other helps with wakefulness during the day. (One to knock me out and one to wake me up!)
So the plan is to get me on a good sleeping schedule, gain some weight and get rid of the aching. Last night I slept 13 hours of the deepest sleep I've had since I became a mom. Today is the first day I haven't had a nap in ages. The pain medication has almost completely taken away the aching so far.
I am watching for negative side effects but they are all fairly gentle medicines and if all goes well, I think I have my regimen. Our hope is that after a few months of feeling well and staying on a schedule I won't need these pills anymore. I don't even mind staying on them long-term if it's the only way to keep functioning.
Oh, and the oils! My friend gave me an essential oil for the stomach and I feel like it helps me. I also ordered one called ProSirina that is specific to Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia. It had really great reviews from women who use it and I think it will help me a lot when the endometriosis starts growing again.
I'm still planning to take things very slowly and just take care of the babes. I'm not taking on any jobs or assignments and I'm not making any commitments until I feel like I've got a good grip on things. Taking care of these crazy munchkins is hard enough when I feel well!
I'm excited for 2012. I think it's going to be a nice year for our family. I'm happy for all that I've learned through these experiences. I know full well that there is probably more to come but I am going to enjoy what I can, one day at a time.
Happy New Year!!
Oh, one last story. Funny looking back on it. The morning of my surgery, I had arranged for Dave to be with me at the hospital and my mom took the day off work to take care of the kids. Well, Dave was up all night trying to pass his kidney stone(s!) and Mom turned out to be smack in the middle of a Chron's flare up. What a miserable bunch we were!! Luckily Dave's mom saved the day and helped get us all through everything. It's only funny now because all three of us are doing better. I just couldn't believe that it was happening at the same time. There's nothing like slipping into sedation wondering if your mom and husband will be in the hospital when you wake up and, who is going to watch the............zzzzzzzz. :)
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