Therapy

I've recently started three types of therapy: massage therapy and trigger point injections for a stomach injury and I had my first session with an emotional health counselor yesterday, mainly to deal with issues caused by my stomach injury.

My counselor told me to write things down instead of keeping them inside. She said I don't need to write down only bad things, just anything. So I will blog. I'm way behind anyway, right?

It's been quite a summer. We've made some really great memories but overall it has been the most difficult summer of my life. (I also said that last summer though!) Last summer is when it started. I was pregnant with my second baby. Earlier in the pregnancy I started having spams in my upper-right stomach. They weren't painful and the doctor told me the baby was fine so we kept plugging along.

At around 31 weeks I started having what felt like rolling contractions in my upper stomach. Every time I did anything physical, even pick up my son, I started feeling this tightness that took my breath away. I went to the hospital five times over the next six weeks to have contractions stopped. It was confusing that two of those times they weren't even showing up as contractions.

I felt that maybe I was just being a wimp. It was a hot summer and I had gained more weight than my last pregnancy. I was induced the minute I could be because I was in so much pain and so miserable. Labor went pretty well and I thought it was over.

I had a rough recovery. Lots of things were going wrong. We got through it though. In October I noticed the spasms were starting again. This time, very painful with a hard spot that moved around my upper stomach and under my belly button.

In November I saw my primary care physician. He suggested a few possible diagnosis and recommended a CT scan if my symptoms didn't go away.

I got carried away with the holidays. My daughter got the flu in January and had one virus after another until May. She was four months old in January and was just starting to sleep better at night until the flu started. She was coughing constantly for that entire period and not sleeping more than three hours at a time, if that. We were so sleep-deprived and worried about her. Her pediatrician kept telling us not to worry and that it was normal for a baby to catch so many viruses because she was exposed to so many new things. Luckily he was right and she started to improve. The damage was done though, not sleeping from July to May sure takes it's toll on a person's emotional and physical health.

In April, my stomach ache started. The spasms and hard spot had been happening all along but the pain was very tolerable and I wasn't in a place where I was taking care of myself at all.

I started walking every morning with a neighbor and it only lasted a week-I could barely stand up every morning. Everything I ate just killed my stomach. It became a constant, nagging ache with occasional flare-ups that caused nausea, vomiting, headaches and throbbing in that spot in the upper-right side.

In May I made an appointment with a gastroenterologist. They were able to "squeeze me in" in June! I took the appointment and just did what I could to get through each day. I was already used to just coping from the last part of my pregnancy. I went into survival mode and did the minimum I had to each day, mostly just keeping my kids alive.

My mom has Chron's Disease. This was my first conclusion. With Jewish blood and family history, it was a huge possibility. The gastroenterologist didn't think that was the case though, especially because the pain was only my upper stomach. He thought maybe ulcers or my gallbladder. So we started ruling those out with an EGD and stomach ultrasound. I started a heartburn medication which didn't help but didn't hurt either. Both tests were normal.

In July things took a horrible turn. I couldn't eat ANYTHING. So much constant pain. The attacks were more frequent and worse. I started blacking out, losing weight and had no energy. A trip to the ER was a huge waste of time. My blood work was normal so they sent me home with some sort of sedation. I wasn't their problem.

My gastroenterologist ordered a HIDA scan to check my gallbladder. Normal. I started on a medication called Bentyl that really helped my stomach temporarily but it would always come back. Especially in the morning, I would wake up in misery.

I ended up on quite a few medications: Bentyl, Cymbalta, Align, Omeprazole and even Midol. I never take pills so it was hard for me to force myself to take so many but I was desperate. In late August, my doctor ordered a Barium X-ray to check for a bowel obstruction because I was still losing weight. I was sure it was going to be normal. It was.

I was told that I had a functional abdominal problem, which I looked up online. The way I understood this was that my brain was telling my stomach that it hurt. It's in my head! What?!!! I knew this wasn't the case. All I wanted in the whole world was just to be able to be a good mom to my babies. To be happy so my husband could be happy. To have a decently clean house. To be able to walk down the stairs to switch the laundry. To be able to make our bed. Maybe cook some dinner. Take a shower and get dressed every day. This is how low my expectations were! Well, the tests were all coming back normal, so maybe I was just crazy!

I was devastated. I needed a diagnosis. A real one. We spent most of our savings on these tests that were just telling me it was in my head.

One night in September I was doing research online. I swear I had done this before but I typed in "right upper abdominal pain" in Google and came upon a health forum. People, hundreds of people, were having the exact symptoms and problems that I was having. I was bawling. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't alone and I wasn't crazy! One person posted about something called Abdominal Cutaneous Nerve Entrapment Syndrome-ACNES. I followed the link and it talked about how a person can have a pinched nerve in their abdominal wall which causes GI-like symptoms. It said the solution is a trigger point injection into the nerve.

This was where the blessings started pouring in!! My mom is a medical assistant in a physiatrist's office. This is what he does! He treats nerve injuries, mostly in the back and neck but he could most definitely give me an injection to see if it helped.

She got me in the next day. He gave me that shot and it shot me through the roof! The needle hit that nerve and it we knew we had found at least part of the solution I needed. I got home that night and was numb. The spot was tender but my stomach didn't hurt for the first time since April. Oh how relieved we were!

Here is my conclusion: I got a pinched nerve while I was pregnant. It went untreated, got worse and worse. Food passing through that part of my stomach was pushing on the nerve and radiating into my stomach, causing GI-like symptoms, completely throwing us off scent.

So here we are today. I've had two more trigger point injections. The last one he did while I was standing up. It was the worst pain I have ever felt, which was good news, we hit the exact right spot. I found  a massage therapist who specializes in nerve injuries. I also started using an electric TENS unit which should be helping the nerve heal.

I still have that hard spot in my stomach and am still taking the Bentyl. The spot doesn't hurt and I can eat again. I think that I possibly did develop a functional abdominal disorder because of the pain I was having from the nerve-my GI doctor was sort of right, it just wasn't the whole story. I am hoping that after my stomach has been calm for a few months that everything will just be normal again.

Now I am trying to fix my emotions. I don't like to admit this but by August I had begun hating woman who had their lives together. I would see a mother with her immaculately dressed self and children, her clean house, job, social life, energy to serve others, and feel rage. I can barely brush my teeth and you can accomplish all of this! It just felt so unfair. It hurt. I felt judged. Do they think I'm lazy?A bad mom?

Reality is that I felt lazy, I brought those feelings upon myself. When the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, it's easy to break down. Chronic pain is slow torture. I'm not an angry person so the rage settled into a sort of numbness, which is really not a healthy way to deal with things.

I have so much compassion now for anyone who has chronic pain. I will never take one second of good health for granted. I can look back now and feel stronger and see all of the little blessings I received through these trials. Heavenly Father was throwing me bread crumbs along the way through family, friends and inspiration, I was just too broken to recognize them at the time.

It's very hard for me to spend money on myself. There are bills to pay, the kids need shoes and diapers. Groceries and gas prices are higher. All that jazz. It's $55 for an hour-long massage and $45 for a session with my counselor but I realize that these are temporary and will help me to be a better, happier, healthier person so it is worth it. I feel so blessed that these options are available to help me heal. I am ready to start being the wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and neighbor that I know I can be.

Bottom line: Numb stomach=good, numb spirit =bad!