Life Goes On

Wow! October has been an amazing month! Birthdays, our anniversary, great family, lots of celebrating. Life is great and I feel so much better, especially emotionally.

There are entire days where I don't even think about my stomach. Every single morning that I wake up without pain, I almost laugh. It's a feeling that I hope I never forget. Good health is such a blessing.

That last abdominal injection that I had while standing really must have done the trick because I haven't needed to go back. Things aren't perfect but they are closer than I thought they could be. I have found that, for some reason, chocolate and getting really full sets things off and then I have pain across my upper stomach. I'm not sure why but I'm trying to avoid those things so I don't have to take medication anymore. I miss chocolate but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

I haven't been able to exercise much at all. It's hard because that nerve is right in the center of everything. Running, crunches, any abdominal strain at all causes it to throb. I am slowly testing it to see what I can handle because I miss those endorphins and I want my muscles back!

I see my gastroenterologist this week, I am so excited to talk to him about everything that has happened. I can let him know I'm not crazy and hopefully give him this information so that he can help the next person who comes along with this nerve injury. I read that 30% of people with abdominal wall pain have ACNES. That is huge! The article also said that gastroenterologists don't know much about this at all and so it goes undiagnosed for years in many patients. That makes me so sad. The test for this literally takes one finger. One copay. No radiation. I'm so happy that someone shared the information with me so I didn't have to waste years of my life, the best years, struggling and depressed.

I have been working to repair the friendships and relationships that suffered while I was down. I was not available to some who needed me and I couldn't even explain myself at the time. I hated talking about my pain because it didn't help anything and I was in too dark a place to ask for help. I am sorry for that, my true friends will understand and forgive me. Life is too short for anything else. I am mainly focused on my sweet husband and my babies. I LOVE every second with them. We play almost all day, sometimes  we don't even leave and the house gets torn up and scattered. We paint, read, color, sing, dance, laugh, eat, tickle, cuddle, nap and wait for Daddy to get home so we can play some more. Sometimes there are tantrums but they don't last long.

I would never want to relive the pain I had BUT I am so happy for what I learned and for what I can appreciate now. I have this amazing support system, the best friends and family anyone could ask for. I am trying to focus on the spiritual side of life, yet another very numb spot for me but I have the time and desire to get to a good place and I will. If someone or something stresses me out, I find a healthy place for it/them and don't focus on the negative. There is a connection between your mind and stomach, everything you internalize can cause long-term damage. It's not worth it!! I have almost three decades of internalizing though, it's going to take some time but I will get there.