Update

Things have been really difficult this week. I've been down (physically) and in lots of pain for 8 days now. Labs and CT scan were normal except for some blood in the urine. I don't know how it's possible to feel this lousy and look so good on paper.

I thought we were at a dead end with the CT coming back normal but I still have some blood work my doctor wanted to order after the scan, the more in-depth labs to check for Lupus. The physiatrist I have been seeing started me on a nerve medication today to see if it stops the flinching and spasms in my stomach. I'm looking into seeing a neurologist as well to see if that gets me anywhere. Also an OBGYN to discuss a laparoscopy to see if endometriosis has spread to my abdominal wall/nerves (is that even possible????).

I am trying so hard to not be stressed about this. I just feel that if I can put a name with whatever this is then I can really face it. Aside from the pain that has come back, I'm now 98 lbs. My hair is falling out. My eyes hurt and they are so dry I have to wear glasses every day. I get so tired that I can't even move but then can't sleep at all. I literally feel like I'm dying in slow motion and no one can stop it.

So here is my question: If everything is logically telling me that I'm fine, do I just drop it? I can't imagine throwing more money into this or going through a surgery right now. What if that shows nothing? I would just break down. But then on the other hand, what if I ignore something important and it becomes too late to fix it? I am responsible for my little ones and always want to be here for them. I just don't know the answer. 

Well, aside from all of my complaining, I feel very content and thankful right now. Tis the season, right? The great news is that the CT scan didn't show any tumors or cancer. That is huge! I also feel like I'm coming out of this flare-up or whatever was going on this past week. We are going to keep taking this one day, or even one hour, at a time. I am going to enjoy every second with my sweet family and focus on all of the blessings we Stevens' have. I am surrounded by incredible family and friends who support and validate me.